i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish I only lived at night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
