I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
