My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize