I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Two words: blizzard sex
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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