He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
