ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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