Kiss
Puke
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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