Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
