literally had 100 drinks last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
