Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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