well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
