Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize