Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
