I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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