I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
