um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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