she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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