and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
