i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
