if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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