There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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