hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
