real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
