I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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