Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
