A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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