i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
