i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He shit in the fireplace
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
