My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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