I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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