Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
