he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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