Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
