It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
