i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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