dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
