I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
