So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize