The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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