I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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