peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
4 words: hood of his car
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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