i permit you to call me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize