What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
