she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
