How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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