Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im holly from the hills drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
