I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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