win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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