I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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