Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
