so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
