so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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