great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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