can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
