Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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