If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
