She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
