You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize