drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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