I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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