You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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