spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
