based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
