I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
