this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
