do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
